Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
