Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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