Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
