My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
