Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
