is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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