just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
