found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Damn victory sex feels great
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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