Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
