That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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