I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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