Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize