I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
