im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
