Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You offered him a āSorry I Blew Your Brotherā Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Iāve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently Iām getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
