what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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