Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
