did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
