Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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