where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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