ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
