She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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