OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
