fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
