His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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