it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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