how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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