Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize