Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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