We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
