I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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