Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
