sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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