just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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