im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
