I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
