Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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