he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
