Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
