my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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