Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
