I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
