my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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