Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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