The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As shirtless as possible
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dicks are not precious.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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