I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize