don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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