Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
