i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
