"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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