Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize