I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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