i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
