DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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