i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
whose parrot is this?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
