Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
