He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
