singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
