Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
