I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
