my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
