im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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