I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
