There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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