spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
