Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
