dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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