this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
