Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
