maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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