Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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