I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
then he tried to convert me to islam
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
